19 Days Left: Teach Me To Be Wise and Strong, O Lord

Daily Journal

19 Days Left :
Teach Me To Be Wise and Strong, O Lord

Thursday, 28 November 2013 --- Today, when I counted down my days in Singapore, I realized that it came to the teen numbers. I did not know whether I was happy or sad. I tried to do what I had to do. However, sometimes I felt that I could not have energy to do it anymore. I messed up with many things happened lately. People saw that I was fine and I was indeed but they did not know what was inside me. What I did need from my dear God was to be wise and strong. I would try to face the news well: the relieved news, the conscience news, the condolences and the sad news.

I was so relieved knowing that my daughters, 6.5 and 3.5 years old, are cleverer day by day. Kakak Audrey (the eldest sister) was always study hard by herself and never forget to read a book. While Adik Betrice (the youngest sister) always wanted to try everything by herself. This week, she succeeded buttoning her own shirt. This morning, when I called home, she said that she could play small guitar, ukulele...and sang "Jesus loves me yes I know." Thank you Lord for taking care of my daughters.

The conscience news came from a psychology student from my university that wrote me a long reflection letter about himself and about the reason why he did not come last week at the Business English Competition held for all students as their final examination participation. I also had reasons why I could not let him pass this subject. I asked God's wisdom for me before answering my student. I did want the best for him in the future and would love to help him when I would be back in campus. Surely, he needed to be supported to teach how and what he had to do in facing English subject, his friends, and also his lecturer. He could not walk alone if he needed help.

Again, today I got condolences news coming from my first supervisor, Prof.  Yudi. My deepest condolences for my supervisor at State University of Malang, Prof. Bambang Yudi Cahyono. May God forgave all his wife's sins and accepted all her good deeds. May God bring him and family the greatest patience, steadfast and understanding heart throughout this difficult times.

Last but not least, on this late afternoon, I got a bad news where it made so so sad. I did cry alone in the library because I was here and I could not do anything instead of sending message to Malang, my campus. They said that because I got the Sandwich-Like scholarship, so then I would not get the last term of my Graduate Program Scholarship (BPPS : Beasiswa Program Pascasarjana) to support my study in Malang. It was not fair. There was no relationship between getting Sandwich-Like scholarship and BPPS. Who wanted to be far from family (far from my beautiful girls and great husband), learn every day at the campus, bring heavy backpack everyday (I felt sick on my back and shoulders), and try not to be lonely...who wanted to be like that if it was not because of God's grace, the Sandwich=Like scholarship would not be enough for me too. So now, I did not get my BPPS. How could I pay my tuition this January? O Lord, please give me Your strength to get through on it. I was not a person who easily gave up. I prayed and I tried to find the justice. I would be helped by Bu Indah, HRD legalin my workplace - Universitas Ciputra, who would go to Director General of Higher Education (DIKTI) in Jakarta, Indonesia in this coming Monday for UC legal stuff and would bring my case to them. She would help me ask about the rights of Sandwich-Like scholarship student in details and its relationship with BPPS. I did hope God would give me His answer and way out.

Be blessed and be blessing.

Try to cheer up,
Natalia C.